


heaven knows there's more than one man

by patinamillersbiceps



Category: Bandstand - Oberacker/Oberacker & Taylor
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Jo is a lesbian and you can pry that out of my cold dead hands, Just a little tho, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, if it's not totally historically accurate sorry i did my best, is it still a slow burn if it's a one shot?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 13:42:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15171935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patinamillersbiceps/pseuds/patinamillersbiceps
Summary: Jimmy comes out to Donny. Then, he comes out to Julia. And then, somehow, love finds him again in the form of a certain drummer on a New York winter's night.





	heaven knows there's more than one man

If Jimmy never really let people all the way in, could you really blame him? The last person who had seen past his walls, his secrets, was lying at the bottom of the ocean.  After that, Jimmy made sure to build even more walls to contain the secrets. He locked them up tight and resolved to never let them escape. 

And yet, he told Donny, when he had told him that he needed a girl to take care of him.  

“I picked you for smarter than that.” Jimmy said, leaning back against the table. He held tightly to it with one hand and to the cigarette in his other, to hide the fact that they were shaking with nerves. He said it so calmly, so relaxed, just like his posture. Just another wall to hide how he was truly feeling. 

Why had he said that? He had thought, seeing Donny pause. He had just given Donny the power to destroy his entire life, his career, and he had done so without a moment’s hesitation. Maybe because he thought he would understand. Maybe because he still had a little crush on him. Maybe because he just needed someone to know. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, ah, people probably do that to you all the time” Donny said, and Jimmy let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. 

“You get used to it.” 

 

After that, they didn’t really discuss it much, and if Donny ever told anyone else in the band, they never let on. It was better that way, Jimmy thought. They all had their baggage, they didn’t need to be weighed down by his. And, if Jimmy felt lonely, he could look to his left, and look to his right, and know that they all did, in some way or another. 

Julia still mourned for her husband, Donny mourned for Michael too, and blamed himself for his death. Wayne felt like he had destroyed his marriage, Davey put on a brave face and told a lot of jokes, but it did nothing to hide the fact he had seen things no one should ever have to see. Nick was like him, with walls a mile high and an attack defense if anyone got too close. 

But Johnny. Johnny liked to say he was one of the lucky ones because he doesn’t remember much of anything from his time at war. Not even his Jeep flipping three times.  But Jimmy didn’t believe that, and he didn’t think Johnny did either, not really. One time, after rehearsal, Jimmy was walking him home, when out of the blue Johnny said, “I had a nightmare last night, at least, I think I did. I don’t remember it, but I woke up in a sweat, terrified, and my back hurt real bad too. I think it was a dream about the war, you know? And it’s weird, because I was afraid, but I can’t remember anything that I could have been made afraid of. And yet I had the dream. Is that weird?” And Jimmy had just looked at him for a long moment, not knowing what to say. 

Finally, he said, “I don’t know, Johnny, but I don’t think it’s weird.” 

Johnny had smiled at him then, and Jimmy felt something that he hadn’t in a long time. He wanted to take the pain and the nightmares away from him. To protect him.  He knew what that feeling was and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to feel it. Why Johnny? Of all people, why him? Jimmy knew that the chance that Johnny could ever feel the same way about him was slim to none. And yet, Jimmy noticed, as the days went on, the feeling he had didn’t go away. 

He would watch as Johnny beat out a rhythm on the drums, and Jimmy could swear his own heart beat in time with it. He felt sick. Not again. He couldn’t feel like this again. 

Feeling like this can only end with you cold in the open ocean surrounded by dead friends.  

That feeling scared him.      

 

Weeks later, After they had finished a set at The Blue Wisp that the club’s owner, Jo, had walked up to him, her hands in the pockets of her pants. “Hey, Jimmy, you guys did a great set tonight.” 

Jimmy paused from cleaning his saxophone. “Thanks for having us, Jo.” 

She shrugged, like it was nothing. “After you guys win the contest and make it big I’ll be proud to say that The Donny Nova Band played here back when.” She paused, “Though, you’ve probably played in every single club and bar in Cleveland, am I right?” She grinned, and Jimmy laughed with her. 

“We gotta get our practice in. And I wouldn’t say every club and bar-”

“Have you ever been to the  Cadillac Lounge, Jimmy? Not with the band, but in general?” Her voice was quiet, and he didn’t miss the way her eyes darted around the room before she said it.

“Ah, no I haven’t- I’ve never heard of it, why?”    

Jo pulled out a slip of paper from her pocket and handed it to him. “If I’m wrong about you, but I’ve been watching you for a while and I don’t think I am, I apologize and I hope this conversation stays between us.” Then, she patted him on the arm and left, walking towards Donny to pay him for the set. Jimmy looked at the paper, it was an address. 

He waited a few days before going.   
Jimmy wasn’t an idiot, he knew from Jo’s secrecy what kind of place the Cadillac Lounge was. A bar for homosexuals. Like himself. And, he supposed, like Jo too, though he did recognize that he _was_ an idiot for not guessing about her sooner. 

Jimmy had been in bars like the Cadillac Lounge before, on leave and in bigger cities than Cleveland. “It’ll be fun,” his lover had said, their ship was docked in London and Jimmy had been reluctant. “Besides, with a war going on, the police have better things to do than raid bars.” 

So yeah, Jimmy had gone to a gay bar before, he just hadn’t since he got back to the States.  

It was fine, and that’s what Jimmy kept telling himself, though, making his way to the bar, he felt more lonely than he ever had. He ordered a drink, and then another, looking around at everyone around him; couples dancing, laughing, talking. 

He was about to order a third drink, when someone slide into the seat next to him. “Let me get that for you.” The man said, plopping his money on the counter to the bartender. He turned to face Jimmy. “Hey there.”   
“Thanks” said Jimmy. 

“I’ve seen you around before, haven’t I? Have we met?” 

Jimmy shook his head, “I don’t think so.” 

“But I have seen you around before.” The man pressed.

Jimmy shrugged. “Maybe.”  

“Not gonna drop me a hint?” he teased.

“I don’t know, I don’t think we’ve met before. It’s my first time here.” Jimmy knew that the guy probably recognized him from the band, it wouldn’t be the first time that that had happened to him. Jimmy didn’t know why he didn’t say that to him, maybe to prevent any negative rumors about the band before their big contest, maybe because Jimmy didn’t really want to talk to a stranger. Maybe because this guy had perfectly styled light hair and dark eyes and what Jimmy  _ really  _ wanted was a particular head of messy brown hair with storm-colored eyes that always looked a little sad, even if he didn’t remember why he was sad.  

The walls were up. 

“Maybe if we went somewhere with more light.”

Jimmy shook his head. “No thanks, not tonight.” 

He didn’t feel like having sex with a stranger either. 

The guy left and Jimmy downed the rest of his drink, it had been a mistake coming here and he was ready to leave. 

Then, the doors banged open and the music stopped. 

“with a war going on, the police have better things to do than raid bars.” his lover had said back then. But now, that war was over. 

 

*****

 

Julia tapped her pencil against the paper, trying to fight through a bad case of writer’s block. She and Donny were on the cusp of what they both knew would be a great song, and had resolved to work all night if they had to. Donny, however, had fallen asleep at his piano thirty minutes ago. Julia let him be, she knew he needed to get whatever sleep he could, before the nightmares and long waking hours came. 

So she sat on his couch, puzzling out a lyric in the quiet. 

Then, the phone rang. Julia picked it up quickly, so as not to wake Donny. “Hello?” she answered quietly.  

“Julia? Is that you? I’m sorry I-I thought I called Donny.” 

“Jimmy? Is that you?” Julia pressed the phone against her ear. Something wasn’t right, he sounded off.

“It’s me. Is Donny there?” 

“He’s asleep right now, what’s wrong, are you in trouble?” Scared, Julia thought, he sounded scared. 

“I did something stupid, Julia. I can’t -I can’t tell you, but I need you to wake Donny up and bring a hundred dollars to the police station on Prospect Avenue, please” he pleaded on the other end. 

Julia almost dropped the phone. Jimmy? The police station? That didn’t add up, it didn’t sound like the Jimmy she knew at all. “Jimmy what happened? Are you alright? Are you hurt?” 

“I’ll be fine, just, please, have Donny bring the money, and soon. I’ll pay him back so it won’t hurt the band.” 

Julia nodded, even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “Alright, Jimmy.” 

“I have to go. Thanks, Julia.” 

Then, he hung up. 

Julia put the phone back. She looked at Donny, who was still fast asleep, before grabbing her coat and purse. 

*****

 

Jimmy sat in the jail cell, praying that Julia got Donny to bring the money. The cops might not take the bribe, but it worth the try. Otherwise, his name could be in the newspaper next to all the other unlucky homosexuals who had gotten picked up in the raid. 

How had he been so stupid? Why had he gone inside?   
He should have known that anyone who was the sole survivor of a ship sinking obviously carries too much bad luck to be able to go to a gay bar and not have it get raided.

He looked up as his cell door was opened, “Campbell, you’re free to go.” The cop said, gesturing to him. Jimmy jumped to his feet. 

“Thank you.” he said. 

The cop scoffed. “You got really fucking lucky this time. If I catch you where you’re not supposed to be again, I won’t be as nice.” 

Jimmy was lead to the waiting room where he came face to face with Julia, who smiled upon seeing him. She looked to the cop. “Thanks Paul, say hi to Amelia for me.” Then, she put her arm around Jimmy and led him out the door. 

  The two walked down the street in silence for a few minutes before Jimmy cleared his throat. “Thank you, for ah- coming to get me.” 

Julia smiled softly. “I didn’t want to wake Donny up, and if I hadn’t come, I would have been too worried about you to do much of anything.”

Jimmy was touched by that. 

“Besides,” she continued, “it’s a good thing I came, I knew one of the cops- Paul- from church. His wife is a good friend of mine. I set them up together, so he owed me a favor.”

Jimmy nodded. “So I bet he told you why I was there, didn’t he?”   

“He did.” A silence stretched between them, after that. Then, “Does Donny know? Is that why you called him?” 

“He made a joke a little while ago, how I needed to get a girlfriend, I told him I thought he was smarter than that.” Jimmy shrugged. “I’m sorry about the cryptic phone call, I just didn’t want to bother anyone with it. I called Donny because he’s the only one I’ve told so I didn’t have to explain it again. I don’t care that you know now, but- it’s just that it’s a hard secret to let anyone else know about, you know?”  

“I don’t care about any of that, Jimmy. How you live your life, who you want to spend it with, I just want you to be happy.”  

Jimmy was thankful that they were walking, it gave him excuse not to look at her. He didn’t know if he could right now without breaking down. No. He still needed his walls. Can’t be defenseless. Can’t be unguarded.  

“And are you? Julia added, “Happy?” 

“I’m alright, which is close enough. I ah- I had someone, once. On my ship. And then it went down, and I was in the water, looking around me, trying to find other survivors, anyone.” and all at once, Jimmy can’t stop the story as it rushes out of him, “And I see him, there, a few feet away from me, and I call out to him, but he doesn’t respond. So I swim over, and… nothing. He’s gone. Just like that. When the rescue ship came, I tried to convince them to bring his body on board with me, telling them that he should be buried, but we were too far out at sea, and they couldn’t bring a corpse on board. So I just left him there, in the middle of the ocean. It’s hard to be happy a lot after that.” 

And then Julia had stopped walking, and then she was hugging him. Jimmy returned the hug. He didn’t remember the last time someone had really hugged him. “I’m so sorry, Jimmy.” 

“Thank you.” he said. 

“Promise me you’ll be more careful?” She added. 

“I will.” 

She let go of him then, “Good.” She said, “Now you can’t walk me home.” 

They’re almost to her house when Julia asked, “Do you think that you can find love again?” 

Jimmy thought for a moment. “Maybe. It’s like you wrote, ‘heaven knows there’s more than one man’ and all that,  I used to think that what I had was all I would ever have, and I made peace with that, but I’ve realized that I can’t live like I’m dead with him. So yeah, I think I can love again.”

Julia blushed. “I’m glad one of us believes it.”

“I think you do too, somewhere.”

I felt good to let someone in, just a little.   

Jimmy didn’t say that the trouble was, he didn’t think what he felt could ever be reciprocated. 

 

The next few weeks are a blur, and now here they are, in New York City. Jimmy figures out the contest rules, and Julia sings her original version of “Welcome Home” with lyrics that Jimmy had never heard before.

_ Jimmy made it back to town four months ago, lives to tell of things no one could bear to know. Keeps his guard up now a lot goes undiscussed. Focuses on fighting what he finds unjust.  _

To anyone else they must have sounded simple enough. But Jimmy knew what they were about. A secret, an ocean, and a love he could never talk about. 

They throw the contest spectacularly. Later that night, their last night in New York before catching the train back to Cleveland in the morning, Jimmy can’t get those lyrics out of his head. They play over and over like ocean waves hitting against the remains of a shipwreck.

He gets out of his hotel bed and throws on his shirt and shoes, grabbing his coat on the way out. 

It’s louder outside on the hotel steps, with the bustle of the city all around him, loud enough to almost drown out the ocean in Jimmy’s head. He takes a deep breath, and rummages in his pocket for a cigarette and his lighter. He locates the cigarette case, but he sighs when he, remembers how he had left his lighter on his bedside table. 

“Need a light?” Jimmy turns his head to see Johnny sitting on the steps, also smoking. He walks over and sits down next to his bandmate, who checks his own pockets for his lighter; he had probably forgotten which one he had put it back in. 

“Can’t sleep either?” Jimmy asks. Johnny shakes his head, and Jimmy tries not to notice the way his hair curls and the way that it falls into his face. He takes a cigarette out of his case and sticks it in his mouth instead. 

“Yeah. My back- it hurts at night the most, and the hotel beds are too soft, you know? So both of those things together make it kinda bad.” Johnny finds the lighter and flips it, holding out the little flame for him. 

Jimmy hesitates, then leans closer to him, bending his head to catch the light. Johnny had cupped his hand close to the flame, to keep the night wind from blowing it out, and Jimmy tried to notice how close his hand was. If he moved a little closer, his cheek would touch the tips of his fingers… 

Jimmy leaned back, with his cigarette successfully lit. He blows a cloud of smoke into the sky. “Thanks,” he says to Johnny, as nonchalant as possible, then taking a slow drag in hopes to calm down his pounding heart. They sit in silence for a while, until Johny breaks the silence. 

“Are you sad that we lost?” 

“Not really,” he answered, “I’m sad that we had to lose, that the contest was going to try and exploit us like that, but not that we actually lost.” 

“I feel the same way. But I’m glad I got to lose with all of you, you know? Like, that we all got to meet and play together and make it here in the first place.” 

“Me too, Johnny.” And it was, Jimmy didn’t know what he would do, and where he would be right now without the rest of the band. Still maybe playing little gigs where he could back in Cleveland, maybe. That was a best-case scenario. 

“See, most people, they treat me like I’m stupid a lot. They think I don’t really notice that, but I do. It was really hard to get any gigs before Wayne recommended me for the band. So I’m really glad I’ve met all of you. Especially you, Jimmy.” 

Jimmy’s stomach flipped. “What do you mean, ‘especially me?” 

Johnny shrugged. “You’re always really patient with me, and you never talk to me like I’m dumb, even though you’re really smart. You always make sure I get home alright and make sure I take my medication; you make me feel safe, which is funny because you’re smaller than I am.” Johnny bumped shoulders with him, grinning.  

Jimmy smiled back. This feels good, this is enough, I don’t need anything more than this. He tried to tell himself that, and he could almost believe half of it even though he wanted nothing more than to hold onto Johnny’s hand and to never let him go. To know what his lips would feel like against his own. 

Johnny yawned then, breaking Jimmy out of his reverie. 

“Are you tired? I can walk you back to your room.” 

Johnny smiled, “See, like I said, you’re always looking out for me. Yeah, I think so, I came out here because the cold air makes my back feel better, but it isn’t feeling bad anymore.” he added, “but if you want to stay out here I can stay up with you.” 

“Nah,” Jimmy said, putting his cigarette out on the stone steps and standing up, “I should at least try to get some sleep in before we have to get on the train.” He stuck out his hand and helped Johnny to his feet, liking the feeling of holding his hand, just for a moment. 

They walked in comfortable silence back to their floor. It was two in the morning and the rest of the hotel was silent. They paused when they got to Johnny’s door. Johnny felt around in his pockets again for his key and Jimmy was just about to be worried he had left it inside his room and locked himself out when he found it in his back pocket. 

“Goodnight, Johnny.” Jimmy said. He wanted to kiss him, on the cheek at least, but he settled for clapping his hand gently on his shoulder. Friendly. But nothing more. 

He turned and was heading to his own door when Johnny called out, “Hey, Jimmy.”

Jimmy stopped and turned, had he forgotten something now? 

“Um,” Johnny said, “Davy bought this pretty nice bottle of champagne when we got here. We already opened it a couple days ago, so it’s gonna go flat soon. We were saving the rest of it for when we won, but, you know. Anyways, do you want to come in?” 

Jimmy nodded. “Sure, yeah.” and walked back to Johnny, who opened the door. It doesn’t mean anything, he told himself, Davy is probably passed out drunk in there. 

But Davy wasn’t in the room. Johnny shrugged, “He was still in the bar downstairs when I went outside, he’s probably still there.” 

“Right.” Jimmy resisted the urge to fidget. There was something about being alone in a hotel room that felt way too intimate for Jimmy’s comfort. 

Johnny picked up the bottle of champagne and worked the cork out. Jimmy, not for the first time, noticed how strong and nice his hands were. 

He shivered. 

Johnny filled two glasses and handed one to Jimmy, who took it with a thanks. He looked out the window of the view of the city, just so he didn’t have to look at Johnny. He took a sip. It was pretty good champagne. 

“I hope we come back one day.” Johnny said, next to him, “and get to see other places too.” 

“Yeah.” Jimmy agreed. He heard Johnny walk away and put his glass down on the table.

“You look tense, Jimmy.” Johnny said, walking back over to him.

“I’m not.” he said, lying. 

“Here,” he said, “this might help.” Then, Johnny put both hands on Jimmy’s shoulders and squeezed. Jimmy flinched and moved away, quickly, his heart leaping up to his throat. Johnny let his hands fall back to his sides. “I’m sorry,” He said, “Did I misread this situation, I do that a lot, but I thought-” 

“What? What did you think?” 

Johnny walked closer and Jimmy could swear his heart was beating so loud in the quiet room that Johnny could hear it. Johnny paused for a moment, their faces inches away and kissed him on the cheek. 

Jimmy’s stomach flipped. 

Johnny pulled away. “Was that OK?” Jimmy nodded, almost speechless.   
“I ah, I didn’t think that, um, you felt like that.” He was still really close and it was hard to come up with a coherent sentence, his mind was buzzing. 

“I guess I’m not that good at dropping hints.” 

Jimmy laughed, “Or maybe I’m not that good at picking them up.” 

Johnny smiled. “Do you feel the same way? I had thought you did but then I wasn’t so sure.” 

Jimmy nodded, “yeah, yeah I do Johnny. How- how did you guess?”    
Johnny replied, “I notice a lot. You try to hide a lot, but I can tell.” he paused. “Can I- Can I really kiss you now?” 

Jimmy nodded. Johnny smiled again and leaned in to kiss him. Jimmy met him halfway.  His lips were smooth and soft and felt better than he could ever have dreamed against his own. Johnny’s hands came up once more to rest on his shoulders and this time Jimmy relaxed into his touch. Johnny was a calm and steady force, gentle and firm all at once. And he was here, and he was real.   

  After what felt like an eternity where time had fallen still, they broke away grinning. Jimmy, his glass forgotten on the table behind him, wrapped his arms around Johnny. Johnny squeezed his shoulders again. “You are still really tense though. I learned how to give really good massages from when I was in the hospital.” 

Jimmy smiled. “Maybe later.” And he kissed him again.  

**Author's Note:**

> -this is absolute garbage that i hardly proof read i apologize but i wanted to bang it all out in one day and publish it on the 4th because that's as celebratory as i can get about this country rn.  
> -You can pry this ship out of my cold dead hands the same way you can pry out my headcannon that Jo is a lesbian (owns her own club, wears pants: homegirl plays for that team guys.)  
> -The fact that they cut Jimmy's sexuality from the show is something I will never understand nor forgive.  
> -The Cadillac Lounge was a real gay bar in Cleveland from 1943-1970 I actually know very little about it but it was the first thing I found when I googled "cleveland gay bars 1940's"


End file.
